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Smooth jazz? Not at the funeral Johnathan

Humans of Earth.

We ejaculate in calm times, by which I mean, we come in peace.

I hope you're doing well. Tom's been busy. In an effort to prove how long he lasts in bed, he says to his lovers that wars have finished quicker. Little does everyone know he's referring to the Anglo-Zanzibar war of 1896. That was a joke for all you history buffs out there. You fucking losers.

Some news. We supported the venerable Iris there last Wednesday in Cyprus. I hope you were there. If you weren't I'll be expecting your apology embroidered into a hankerchief made of my tears.

We actually weren't completely shit. Shout out to The Hold for a set that would have had Jim Clash from punk band The Clash never playing his guitar again.

There was one solo that Patrick did that, had the crowd been on laxatives, would have been cause for one hell of a clean up on aisle three.

We're taking a little break gigwise until the start of January. We're back in Cyprus but you didn't hear that from me. We'll try to record an EP if we can all stop being top shaggers for just five minutes and settle down.

There's been too many good EPs recently so our plan is to do a bad one.

We have the songs picked out. Our hope is for it be one cohesive unit and for it to all have a consistent theme lyrically. Taking inspiration from childhood, it's going to be a dark take on the lives of Biff, Chip and Kipper and their subsequent battles with heroin.

Yeah and there'll be other gigs as well as merch on the way. We're a political band now so the t-shirt will have UN Secretary General Antonio Gutierres licking cream out of basin with the words "The People's faith in diplomacy" written on the side of the bucket. Yeah if you can't handle to truth you shouldn't listen to Kane's Basement.


RIP Henry Kissenger, you would have loved Krispy Kreme's new Double Glazed Nutella Donut.




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